The Color Blur
by Cut Myself Shaving
Summary: A collection of nightmares. Death. Mistakes. Chaos. No theme song required. No HEA. But can you trust everything you read?
1. BLACK

**Black**

She has lost the thing that connected her to him. She has lost the motive to live.

She lies in the bed unmoving. The silence is too loud. The whole universe feels empty. One day she will heal. But the hurt will always be there. She will never forget about the pain. She barely has a promise. She doesn't have a ring.

He's gone forever. And she has lost their baby.

She doesn't want to breathe.


	2. Off White

**Off White**

She's going to marry the wrong man. They have taken her cell phone and car key away. She stands there in her wedding dress. This is a big mistake. She leaves the waiting room while no one is watching. Her bare feet make no sound on the carpet. She hates those satin shoes. She doesn't have much money in her little purse. She hears their laughter. She quickens her steps. She would rather become a nun. She no longer has an apartment. She doesn't know what to tell her mother. She can't go home. Everything is wrong. So wrong.

She walks into the rain. The seven-floored building is now a pile of debris. He's no longer there.

She hears people calling her name.


	3. Grey

**Grey**

She watched her mother's lips move but no sound came.

_Be reasonable, Stephanie._

_Joe is a good man_.

She wanted to laugh but had no strength. Her heart had been broken into tiny little pieces. Her prayers got no answers. Her mother's eyes were like two big black pools. She saw no love inside. At some point of time she had become a burden. She heard the unsaid words. The message was clear. Stand up and follow the path. Be a good girl. Don't wander off the road. Carpe Diem. C'est la vie.

_You have a life ahead of you._

You will feel better once you let Joe into your bed. You will feel better once you give birth to Joe's baby. You will find the strength and courage to live. You will realize you are blessed. You will waste no time lamenting. Just look into the child's eyes and you will be able to love and be loved again. She looked away but her mother wouldn't stop. Her father and sister kept their silence.

___He's not coming back. He's gone, gone, Stephanie. _

___He's DEAD. _

___DEAD. _

___DEAD!_

She wakes up bathing in cold sweat, her mother's cool pleasant voice ringing in her ears. She's in a strange room. She's in a strange bed. She blinks in temporary uncertainty and then suddenly remembers. She was feeling desperate when Jeanne Ellen Burrows stopped the sleek black car and said, "Get in." She didn't hesitate. They'd noticed her absence. They were running and calling her name. She sits still in the bed, thinking of the child she has lost. She can still hear their footsteps. It was too early to tell but she knew it was a boy. She always, always, wanted a little boy. What was she thinking? why did she accept the ring? She's grateful Jeanne Ellen took her in. The room is clean and tidy. She bursts into tears. She will never be able to love another man.

Her loss is too grave.


	4. Red

**Red**

Jeanne Ellen Burrows's smile is cold and tired.

Her hair is short and blonde, her eyes calm but wild.

She, too, has lost someone.

She's going to make they pay the price.

She's is willing to give her life.

Stephanie fights the lump in her throat. Who are they? Why?

"I want in." She looks into Jeanne Ellen's eyes. Her voice is soft and flat. Revenge. She can't wait for the taste of blood.


	5. Blue

**Blue**

She dreams of the night he left.

The apartment was quiet and his kiss was soft.

The color of his eyes was like a song.

He smiled.

He left.

He didn't come back.

He died.

She wakes up. She doesn't cry. She looks out of the car window. A new name. A new passport. A new hair color. A new phone. And a brand new Glock. Life is not the same anymore. The emptiness within her grows louder. All her dreams are lost. She no longer has a hamster. She lost a lot of friends the day the RangeMan building collapsed. Now she's going to hunt down the people responsible. She never knew about Jeanne Ellen and Lester Santos. The everlasting sorrow in Jeanne Ellen's eyes is heavier than thunder. A woman's love. A woman's hope. A woman's rage, anger, and tears. The man she will always love and the child she has lost.

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily," She sings silently as the world files by outside the window.

Life is but a dream.

If only.


	6. Yellow

**Yellow**

The city is busy. The people are loud and in a hurry. The coffee tastes bitter; the sun can't penetrate her mirror sunglasses. A man pulls a chair and sits down. Hector. He looks thinner. His hair is shorter. He was there when the bombs exploded. The burned scar on his face and neck is no longer that obvious.

Tonight. She's going to kill someone. The man whose greed changed her life. They have found a way to get past the bodyguards. A lawless city. A lawless country. She now can speak a little Spanish. But her tutor is forever gone. She listens to her heartbeat. They will then track down the traitor. A car rushes by. Someone laughs. It's just an ordinary day in most people's life. She thinks of her mother. She almost smiles. The light in Joe's eyes when she said yes and the touch of his lips. A moment of weakness.

She loathes herself.


	7. Pink

**Pink**

Storm came. Wind, strong, fierce, merciless, dominates the universe. The house looks like an empty shell. She secures her untraceable Glock. She walks through the double French doors. She stands still and takes a shallow breath. Outside, the rain falls. It's now, or never.

She may die in the process. She may die and thus fail. But that's okay. She has chosen this lonely road. Out of her free will. She has no reason to live whatsoever. Everything she once had is now lost. The solid coldness of the gun is the only thing left, as well as a desire to revenge. To get even. To scream as loud as possible. To shout, to yell, to sound a protest. The rain is heavy. The wind is wild. No one will hear the noise. Obey the law. Bend the law. Break the law. Justice is such a tricky word.

Happiness always comes to an abrupt end. Nothing, nothing, ever lasts. Forever is a fairytale. Tomorrow won't be a better day. But at least she can have a closure. She has to do something. She has to try her best. Even if her effort and the result may both be pointless. She takes a silent step forward. The lump in her throat remains there. Blood rushes her veins. Stay calm. Beware of your surroundings. She hides in a tree's shadow. She smells the scent of exotic flowers. She inches closer. And closer.

A gunshot shatters the world.

Jeanne Ellen?

Hector?

Attack.

Danger.

A silhouette moves. She jumps forward. She locks eyes with a man. She pulls the trigger. Death. Forever surprise. Frozen. Something tugs at her heart when the man falls. Shoutings. Running footsteps. The dead man's face looks familiar. She tries to stay cool and composed. She tries to find comfort in the weight of her gun. More gunshots. She turns a corner and takes cover behind a wall. The decoration of this place is tacky. The furniture seems expensive. She has a mission to accomplish. She has to find and eliminate her target. Someone yells in Spanish. Or is it Italian? She recalls the first time she grabbed hold of a gun. The firm warm hands. The bright almost black eyes. The curving perfect lips. The Million Dollar Smile. Ranger. The man she will always love. The father of her tiny lost child. She's here to revenge. She's here to die. Maybe the pain will then stop. She's already in Hell...

She blinks. She sees the approaching men and the guns in their hands. She failed to pay attention and took a wrong turn. There's no way out. She's trapped. She hasn't gunned down her target. She won't be able to track down the traitor. All those careful plans and preparations. She wants to laugh at herself. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She's about to die here. With too many regrets.

She tightens her grip of the gun. She wonders if she'll have time to take aim. One of the men laughs. Another one sneers. The rest of them raise their guns. Now it's time for everything to—

Something explodes.

The men drop to their knees and one by one collapse on the floor.

The world didn't end.

Nothing feels real.

Chaos.


	8. Purple

**Purple**

A tall black man. Not as large as Tank. Older. But quick. And strong. She can't stop shaking. She finds it hard to take her eyes off him. The stink of death and gunpowder lingers in the air. He's the one that saved her life. He's the one that killed them all. Somehow she knows this man knows how to drive a Porsche. His eyes remind her of Ranger.

"Stephanie Plum?" His voice is smooth. His smile is bright.

She nods.

Blood oozes out from a dead man's wound. The carpet is very soft.

"Let's go." No time to explain. Big firm hand grasps hold of her arm. She tries her best to keep up. They go through another door. She hears shoutings. Spanish. English. From a distance. A lot of voices. Suddenly she feels unsure. Hector. Jeanne Ellen. What happened? Where are they? Her head is empty. The details of their plan. They are in this together. What will happen to them? Who is this man? Was he expecting her? Why does he know her name? They are now on a narrow street. She stops and tries to pull out of the tall man's grasp. A black car comes out of nowhere and pulls to a sudden stop. The doors open. A calm-looking slender Hispanic man is at the wheel. The beautiful black man turns to look her in the eyes. What he says shakes her whole world and the universe.

"Ranger sent us."


	9. Green

**Green**

She feels tired. She needs a bath. She needs sleep. She's hungry. The room is small but clean. She can hear the noises from the street. It's safe here inside the modest hotel. Temporarily. She still has her gun. She has a lot of questions. But the tall man named Hawk has disappeared. "Lock the door. Keep your gun nearby." That's all he said. The Hispanic man just smiled at her. Friendly. Not talkative. She needs to know if Hector is okay. His phone is no longer working. Does she have to wait here the whole night? She starts feeling a little dizzy. The pressure of the past few days. She killed another man. How do you tell right from wrong? How do you tell good from bad? What exactly happened to Ranger? Who placed the bombs to destroy RangeMan? Who killed her friends? Is Ranger still alive? Is Ranger truly dead?

She closes her eyes as she sits down on the bed. She remembers the promises he whispered in her ears. She never got the chance to tell him about their baby and she almost married Joe. She feels the heartache all over again. "He hired us to keep you safe." The only explanation Hawk gave when she got in the car and left with them. She didn't have the courage to ask the Million Dollar Question. Where is he? Is he safe? She did notice that Hawk was using past tense. She places her hands on her empty belly, and suddenly recalls the sternness and pity in her mother's eyes.

___He's not coming back. He's gone, gone, Stephanie. _

"No." Her shaky voice echoes in the room. "No." He's still alive. He's not dead. He's somewhere out there. He's keeping her safe. She knows it. She just knows.


	10. Beige

**Beige**

She curls on the bed and falls asleep.

She dreams of that night so many months ago when Ranger came home hurt. Her heart jumped in her throat when she answered the phone and heard Tank say, "Don't panic." It was nothing serious. His upper arm grazed by a wandering bullet. And a slight and almost unnoticeable limping. The sign of trouble coming. But she paid it no attention. She was so happy and so whole-heartedly in love. She was enjoying every single minute of her life. She believed Paradise was a place on Earth. She was oblivious to the outside world. They were trying their best to solve the problem and keep her safe, but she didn't even notice. She misses Tank. She misses Hal. She misses every one of the Merry Men. She misses Rex. She misses her unborn child.

She misses the man she loves.

She tosses and turns in the small, clean, narrow bed. She wants to get rid of her pain. She wants her happiness back. She wants to revenge. She wants to taste the murderers' blood. But she still doesn't like guns. She no longer has a home. She has no idea whom to trust. She is lost. So lost. And the unbearable loneliness and sorrow are slowly killing her. She no longer cares what will happen to her. She's a dead woman walking under the blazing sun. She feels nothing. She sees nothing. She hears nothing. She has no heart. She has no soul. She has no fears. She has lost the ability to smile, to laugh, to dream, to hope, to be happy, and to live on. Maybe she's just still clinging on to false hopes. And maybe when the morning and the enemy finally come, she, too, will be dead.

Silently she cries in her sleep inside a small hotel in a foreign country. The world moves on without her. One of the people who are responsible for the explosion and the deaths stares into the muzzle of the gun, fails to dodge the bullet, trying to say something, and dies. And one of them is coming her way.


End file.
